Hear ye, hear ye…

… all the poor!

Well! I have some quite wonderful news – I’ve finally found employment! Get in! 

To celebrate such an occasion I have ventured into the vlog once more. Here is how I celebrated finding work again AND a ‘haul’ of Matalan Clearance store clothes (I explain why in the vlog)…

P.s. There may be some sound sync issues, I haven’t quite mastered the art of recording myself talking to my own computer yet, but I will… hopefully…

‘This train…

… is at the station.’

This can go on no longer! For a while I almost enjoyed the whole Betty Draper housewife thing I had going on. Painting my nails, cleaning, washing and doing the occasional food preparation (I’m not the cook of the house). However, I am now starting to feel a bit ground-hog-day-ish. After fully and painfully realising something I’ve sort of known for a while now – I’m going to be in dept for a long time because of a hugely expensive education that is, at the moment, essentially useless to me, I decided to combat the tragic monotony of job hunting and the serious lacking of funds with the search for a part-time job.

I started with a run… jog… running interspersed with panting… and hobbling. With the glow of self-righteousness that a morning jog provides, I walked to a local jewellery shop (after a shower, just to clarify). However, when I asked whether they might have a part-time vacancy I got a disdainful snort and the words ‘no love, this train is at the station’. Not quite knowing what this meant but presuming it was akin to ‘this is a sinking ship’, I politely displayed my sadness. I then had to listen to a speech about how nobody gets engaged or married anymore because everybody’s poor and nobody loves each other, and a soliloquy on the loss of the many rich old Clifton ladies who used to spend all their dead husbands money (I didn’t want to ask why all their husbands were dead) in his shop. The blame for this financial dry up lies with John Major, apparently.

By the end of the day I had handed out three CVs, one in a shop full of clothes I can’t afford (that’s just painful), the next was in a sweet shop (again, temptation). The third was full-time waiter staff (if they give me free food, I’m there).

This morning I handed in my CV in to a bar (the food thing applies to alcohol too), when the gentleman I gave it to said ‘do you have any experience?’ I replied with ‘no not really, aside from a predilection towards alcoholism.’ He didn’t get the joke. Why do I think it’s okay to say these things, why!?

I feel for the gentleman whose jewellery shop (train) is coming to the end of it’s journey, but I hope that my train is only just leaving the station, perhaps experiencing a slight delay, because of technical difficulties, that’s British rail systems for you…

How to…

…not get employed!

I read a magazine article about how to ace interviews the other day (whilst on an airplane, trying to not think about death). One thing this article stated is that you should never, ever, write about bad interview experiences on the internet, including social media sites or blogs – fail number one!

Fail number two: do not get into your car (that you haven’t driven in four months) and put on the Bridget Jones soundtrack – it may explain what followed…

Number three: DO leave two hours to get to an interview that is an hour and five minutes away, it leaves time for damaging other people’s cars. In my defence I was trying to avoid a cyclist who had decided the middle of the road was a great place to stop and take a phone call. As I swerved to avoid him I scraped along a parked car. I then did what every normal person does in this situation; a barrage of expletives left my mouth, I burst into tears, called my mum (who I couldn’t get hold of, boyfriend had to do), wrote a note with my sincerest apologies, excuses and phone number and continued to cry. Somewhere in all of this I looked up to find the pillock on the bicycle laughing at me. After taking a moment to gather my thoughts and the appropriate drips of Bach’s Rescue Remedy I continued on the rest of my way, which turned out to be an hour and 20 minutes of thin country lanes. By the time I got to the interview my knuckles were white with gripping the steering wheel so hard, my newly ironed shirt was suitably moist and my nerves were in tiny pieces at the bottom of my brain.

Number four: The interview article also advised not sitting down in the office waiting room, apparently it makes one look slouchy. So when a kind lady showed me into the offices and into the waiting area with the welcoming words “please, take a seat”, I thanked her but declined to do so, to which she gave me an odd look but promised to tell the appropriate person I had arrived. After a few minutes of pointlessly standing in a small space in the foyer, my interviewer came in stating that they weren’t quite ready for me so could I please take the seat. This time I listened to her and sat down, which she seemed much more pleased with and offered me a glass of water.

Number five: Do not bring up Stroke victims in a job interview.

Number six: When they ask the question, “Do you own a car?” Just say, “yes I do, I drove it here today”, do not say “Oh yes, Emanuella – Manny, she’s a trooper, we only just made it here today.”

Suffice to say, I have not been invited back for a second interview. I hope these tips are helpful to all my fellow unemployed. Thank goodness my next interview is a phone interview…

Real flu…

… or Man Flu?

So I’ve gone fourth (or second) and completed vlog number two! This is my answer to the question: what is this mock illness commonly known as man flu?

So in conclusion (something I seem to have forgotten to do on the video) if the man in question is producing manky liquids from their face but insisting on going to work anyway, they are probably genuinely ill and if their faces are dry of all but self-pitying tears and they want to eat loads and take the day off work then it’s probably their MAN PERIOD!

Let me know your thoughts!

The Great Gatsby Review

I’ve decided to turn my pen (keys) to criticising other people hard work, or as it’s more commonly referred to, reviews!

A few Fridays ago Christopher and I went to see The Great Gatsby.

I had been excited about this film for about a year and had very high expectations of it, only increased by the massive hype surrounding its release – the Cannes red carpets, the huge social media and TV presence, however, having now seen the film I have to say I think it was a little over-hyped.

I felt the performances were great, I always love Carey Mulligan’s acting skills and when has Tobey Maguire ever done a bad job? However, whilst Leonardo DiCaprio gives a convincing portrayal of Gatsby, he brings a childlike innocence and an endearing quality to the character that I didn’t feel was present in the book, indeed I feel it undermines the message of the book. Of course this is a common Hollywood ploy to add a heightened emotional element to a story. I couldn’t help but think this was yet another ‘Hollywood-ised’ manipulation of a text in order to make the film more appealing to a wider audience as opposed to enhancing the text for film.

With period films I’m usually more excited about seeing the costumes than I am the actual film, especially when it comes to a story set in the 1920s, but the styling of this film wasn’t as tantalising as I thought it would be, apart from the hats. I wanted every hat I saw, including the men’s ones but excluding that weird netted pirate thing Daisy has on her head when she goes to Nick’s house for tea. I felt the costumes were created to appeal more to a modern eye than to recall the glamour of the 20s in its glorious reality. It was much the same with the music of the film. I understand that Lurmann’s intention was to transcend the time via musical genre so that one could better understand the feel of the American 20s, by relating them to the American 00s. However, the music didn’t feel cutting edge or unusual or new, as jazz would have felt to society in the 20s. It was emotive and added to the film, but I don’t feel it achieved what it was intended to.The use of modern music in a period setting also gave the air of similarity between The Great Gatsby and Moulin Rouge, to the point where I almost felt I’d seen the former before. I respect Baz Lurmann’s vision as a director and that he has a very distinctive style of movie making, but this felt like it had been made to a formula everyone has seen before, a few times before.

Even taking into consideration the good performances and enjoyable aspects of the film, the overall feel of the movie was a little obvious, un-original in the context of the director’s previous works and very much ‘Hollywood-ised’ to the point that the text felt more of an avenue for a glitzy film, than the inspiration for a good movie.

Let there be romance!

I don’t claim to be a particularly crafty person, but I do like partaking in numerous crafty past-times, this usually results in freakishly long scarves, very mishapen knitted vests, hundreds of multi-coloured tea cosies and a few unfinished cross stitches. However, this time I was quite pleased with the outcome of my artistic boredom so thought I’d blog about it.

I love candles! I light candles every night, they can make any room look better and I find the light they project very soothing. Although I loath to tear pages out of books, I took a book I recently read, that I had found really quite boring and tore out some pages at the back that had nothing to do with the story so though it wouldn’t be too bad to recycle them to a better use.

I started with an old glass candle-holder (a gift to Christopher that we had never really used), the pages from the book, some normal clear clue (I was going for a matte effect, but if you’d like something shiny I’d suggest craft glue) and yes, Arlene Phillips’ face (a Hello magazine to stop my fire place getting gluey).

Christmas CandlesArts and Crafts!

I then covered the glass with glue and wrapped the page around it, folding it in over the top and folding it flat across the bottom. I then proceeded to paste glue over the page to ensure it’s sticking and to protect it against knocks and bangs. I applied much glue to the bottom of the glass to ensure the folds stick down flat and the glass stands properly. It took a good day for the glue to dry but once it had I applied another coat to achieve a hardened affect on the paper. I then waited for all to dry, tied a lace ribbon I found in my sewing box around it (for extra pretty) and popped a tea light inside.

Light of Words

I wanted to achieve a more rustic look with the next one so I used a honey jar and some velvet ribbon.

Romantic lighting

These candle holders are easy to do and would make lovely gifts, table decorations or wedding decorations. They’re also a pleasing way to spend unemployment! Let me know what you think…

Romantic candle holders