So this weekend I went to a house party where they had replaced the water in their fridge’s water dispenser, with vodka. So this morning Chris and I woke up feeling inevitably a wee bit, ahem, worse for wear is probably how I would describe it. So I thought I’d write a blog about my Hangover Coping and Combating Procedures (somewhat laughed at by certain family members), again whilst watching Strictly and painting my nails (this really is turning into a lovely Sunday tradition!).
HCCP – by Milly Slightly (very) Queasy Cooper
- First comes the wake up/hideous realisation.
- Secondly comes the opening of curtains and window (one must have fresh air under these circumstances. Has anyone ever had a hangover after sleeping in a tent? No. Well, may be a few times but that’s what will happen if you partake in St Germain Slap cocktails), and stumbling to the kitchen to fill a glass with ice cubes and fill the rest of the space with water. Also, to have a probably around 42.3% proof wee wee. Back to bed.
- Groaning, much groaning.
- Then I reach the “what have I become!?” stage of my hangover. My sister knows this stage well and will often have to persuade me that I’m not a bad person for getting off my tits (if you will pardon the expression) on various spirits and wines and probably doing something(s) embarrassing the night before.
- I then turn to Youtube to find Agatha Christie adaptations to watch on my iPad.
- Chris and I argue about who gets the tea (peppermint tea – it’s very good for settling the tummy).
- Chris loses.
- After the appropriate passing of time, tea, fresh air and Marple, I approach what I have termed (and will probably copywrite) ‘The Sit Down Shower’. Basically what it says on the tin. A time of quiet and moist reflection. Also a time for teeth brushing; brushing one’s teeth in the shower is a hugely refreshing experience, also, when faced with the somewhat nauseating consequences of excessive alcohol consumption, teeth brushing can prove a little ‘heavey’. Therefore should any ‘messiness’ happen it can be easily washed away or washed off one’s sorry carcass because you are sitting in a bath, under a shower. This obviously all has to be done from a sitting position as vertical is not yet a viable option of being. That skill will hopefully return in time.
- A big glass of milk and a Pot Noodle (don’t tell Mama G)!
- More groaning.
- More Marple.
- Now commences the cleaning away of bedside debris; discarded clothes, many empty glasses, makeup removing products, the box the cheesy chips came in (Chris went to get these after we got home last night, there are some fantastic reasons for marrying this man).
- In atonement for living such a loose lifestyle the night before, I now commence the cleaning of my flat; the washing of clothes, ironing, dishwashing, in the hope that all these things may cleanse my soul as well as my abode.
I therefore finish the weekend, feeling very clean, just a wee bit precious of tummy and head, and only marginally guilty (I find hiding any Pot Noodle evidence also helps in this endeavour) whilst reminiscing with Chris about all the funny things that happened the night before – Bonne Weekend!
P.S. Thought I’d show you how my nails look at the end of this blog – green! Ready for the celebration of the dead coming back to this earth to wreak their ghoulish revenge and boost supermarket takings through the producing and selling of cheap and nasty costumes, or as we in the western world term it: Halloween, of which I am a bit of a fan. However, I will look very unfavourably on any Trick or Treaters who come on Wednesday to knock on my door, as one of the very final Poirots in airing, so I will be very angry of any disturbances between 8-10pm.
Reviews of Poirot to follow…