… every other occasion possible.
So my completely wonderful/highly awkward fiance is currently en-route home from Thailand – where he spent one day. One day. His first ever day in Thailand actually and it had to be the day on which a full-blown military coup took place (he seems to be highly prone to awkward situations, for example he once swallowed an olive whole – which resulted in four days in hospital. He went to Pakistan and had to be flown home a week early because he got such bad food poisoning that his boss was genuinely worried that he might die – thus completely wonderful/highly awkward)!
Yesterday after he told me that he’d been asked to not leave his hotel room unless it was to go to the airport (which he should probably do straight away), I got home and made myself a Whisky and Ginger, timeless classic of an alcoholic beverage and favoured by my late Opa (also a wonderful/awkward very tall person). Later in the evening I had this conversation with my sister:
“Are you looking at the news?”
“Are you looking at the news?”
“I do actually need to know whether he can get out of the country or not.”
“The news isn’t going to tell you that.”
“I’m not sure you understand the concept of news…”
“You should have a drink.”
“I’ve just had a Whisky and Ginger.”
“That is a very good drink for a time like this, well done on your drink choice.”
And it’s true, I seem to have a knack for picking the perfect alcoholic beverage for every situation. So I thought I’d share this talent of mine with you, just in case (heaven forfend) you are ever stuck deciding what to drink for which occasion. Read on!
Whisky and Ginger: When anyone is in danger, is dying or has died. We snuck this one into my Opa’s hospital room just before he went and it did wonders for his last days on earth. This is also a good drink for when you’re feeling a little bit vintage – goes very well with a 1950s cocktail dress or a three-piece suit. Also good in pubs.
Gin and Tonic: Any time! Good for stress and marvelously refreshing it is best drunk in a sunny garden when you’ve just arrived home from work. It’s also great during theatre intervals. Goes with any outfit, including pajamas.
Bacardi and Coke: Or as my grandmother called it: Liquid Sunshine. Best consumed in the sun or in a club. For me it’s dancing juice which should help you choose an appropriate outfit.
Malibu and Coke: NEVER.
Bucks Fizz: Only the mornings, there is no excuse for drinking a Bucks in the afternoon! Best drunk on important occasions or a decadent Sunday and must be consumed only in pajamas.
FIZZ FIZZ: Always! But best on Fridays for celebration and alliteration purposes. All big celebrations call for a glass of fizz making it simply the only thing to order at weddings, bar mitzvah’s, birthdays, visits from friends, meeting up with long-lost family members you never knew you had, engagements, etc… Goes with any and every outfit.
Sherry: Best consumed on Sunday afternoons, accompanied by Agatha Christie and knitting, but also good for a lazy mid morning tipple if you’re 60 years old and over (like me). Goes best with dresses and nighties (curlers optional).
Manhattan: Also best on Fundays and Sundays. Beautifully vintage and just a wee bit jazzy this is one for special Saturdays and cherished bank holidays. Goes with any outfit but best accompanied by a full skirt and a red lip (although my dad tends to match it with nautical wear – can’t say I approve but it does work).
Martini: All and any time of the day but best consumed on great nights out with friends and loved ones or in the bath. Can be varied to suit ones tastes (gin, vodka, dry, wet, twist, olive) and makes any outfit ensemble look better. WARNING: more the than four martinis is an ill-advised plan. Experience is a hard school but fools will learn in no other (I’m getting there).
Archers and Lemonade: NEVER.
White Wine: After all of the above! Best consumed in the sunshine and with friends. Never drink cocktails, fizz, sherry, G&Ts or W&Gs after wine, it is the main course, not the starter of the alcoholic world. Goes with any outfit but may suit the more casual among us. And remember Mama G’s rules on stem holding and approved mixers.
Red Wine: Best consumed during family dinners and nights in front of the fire. Goes fantastically well with snuggly jumpers and wooly blankets. WARNING: do not wear white!
Brandy: Bed times and bathtimes. Pajamas and onesies.
I hope this helps you enjoy your bank holiday weekend to the full! Go forth and drink appropriately!