“Find a paper bag”…

…”who has paper bags just lying around their house?”

So during the past few months I have quit one job, taken up another, found a house to buy, applied for a mortgage, failed a valuation, finally successfully completed on said house (get in), applied for buildings, contents and life insurance (twice). I then tried to single-handedly pack up the entire contents of my flat and move it into the new house in the space of a week and a Ford Fiesta. All of this with a Fiancé who (whilst being completely lovely) spends 15 weeks of the year in the Far East (thus the single-handedly thing).

This (rather unsurprisingly) culminated in me having a rather beautifully spectacular mental/emotional breakdown/meltdown, which resulted in me learning how one copes with a beautifully spectacular mental/emotional breakdown/meltdown. So I thought I’d share this with you because inevitably everyone at some point (or quite a few points) will  (if they are nice, normal humans) suffer a beautifully spectacular mental/emotional breakdown/meltdown, when this happens I’d like you to know that you’re not alone, which is what a blogging is all about 🙂

  1. Know that you’re not alone! You’re one of thousands upon thousands of people who are all currently sitting in a small messy ball shape rocking back and fourth and sobbing – potentially over something as simple as you tripped over a box, or you got your handbag handle caught on a door handle, or you smashed a nice wine glass – this is more commonly known as the Last Straw.
  2. Don’t stop rocking! People will tell you to stop, that it makes you look worryingly mental, but at this point you are worryingly mental and the rocking feels nice and what you need right now is to feel nice. Keep going – its comforting.
  3. Call the person you trust most in the world.
  4. Find a paper bag (I know, this one isn’t easy – try sandwich bags?), it helps with the hyperventilation – something to do with Carbon Monoxide being good for you for once – I wasn’t listening to much when that explanation came.
  5. Whatever you were doing when you finally snapped (probably one of what felt like several million things to do) just stop doing it. It’s really not worth it.
  6. Instead – put on your pyjamas, the best ones, the ones you don’t wear unless you’re completely alone because they are so humiliating but soooo comfy.
  7. Go and moisturise your nose. Even the balsmy tissues aren’t going to stop that soreness.
  8. At this point in many of my blogs (as you may have noticed) I normally recommend some alcohol related medication, but not this time! This time I recommend eating. Make your favourite meal – whatever it is – you’ve earned it (mine was spring rolls with sweet chilli sauce a Caesar salad with chicken kievs instead of breasts – chicken breasts – reminds me of my uni days).
  9. Now take this meal to bed (I always recommend eating in bed), put your favourite TV show on, enjoy your favourite meal and give yourself a sodding break.
  10. Get a good nights sleep – things always feel a little better when you feel rested and in the clean, fresh light of the morning. As Max Erhmann says: Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

The only thing I can’t give you advice on is how to stop your eyes looking the size and colour of cricket balls – try sleep may be…and shit loads of concealer.

Milly happy in the sea

Read the whole poem that I have quoted from here.

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