This afternoon I went to visit my most beloved Oma, lovely visit and all that but on the walk home I realised that I had left the care home and the worst possible time – Home Time.
The time when teenagers leave their day prisons and wander/sway to their respective homes on mass, creating a big, lazy but loud, gossipy, lynx smelling snake of adolescence in the street. And it frightens me, I don’t mind admitting that I am terrified of teenagers. It only takes two to scare me so Home Time is like a bloody horror film.
To make matters worse I was walking against the tide. I found myself cautiously stepping alongside a metal railing, towards a group of female teenagers. With the eight foot tall railing stopping me from moving out of their way (because apparently that’s what they think should happen) I could do nothing but watch them walk straight at me and cling onto the metal bars as they slid their slightly sweaty, impulse scented bodies begrudgingly around mine. Why would you not just move out of the way!? Why would you not just accept that the pavement is for every pedestrian and that there’s a two-way system going on that requires you to stop talking about Dreamy Tom from year 10 for two seconds so that someone can pass you without having to touch you!?
Once I was safely back in my own abode, recovering from the trauma, I asked myself when I developed this fear of adolescents and realised – I’ve ALWAYS been scared of them. When I was a teenager, I was scared of teenagers. It’s the arrogance; the “I don’t need to move out of the way”, “that persons wearing a funny hat so I’m going to shout ‘FUNNY HAT!’ at them”, “I like Rihanna, therefore everybody must like Rihanna, so I’m going to play Rihanna really loudly on the bus so that everyone can enjoy my genuinely shit taste in music” thing they’ve got going on.
By now I feel as though the bitterness has started to become apparent and you may have guessed that I did very much not enjoy being a teenager myself. I was not arrogant, I was the person wearing the funny hat and I liked listening to Holst and the Avenue Q soundtrack…on headphones. So perhaps the reason why I’m still petrified of these half-adults is that I literally have no comprehension of them at all. What makes them so arrogant? What makes their taste in music so very bad?
Having spent some time mulling it over I am forced to believe that it’s all one big front. Either that, or their age has led them to believe that they are actually invincible and can therefore do whatever they like. Perhaps a little of both? When does one lose this? Am I going to be scared of my own children when they reach their teen years? I’m sure as hell not going to be able to offer them any advice beyond “don’t worry about the popular ones, they’ll have children soon and then they won’t be able to come to school and hassle you.”
Usually my blogs seem to have a nice I’ve-really-learned-something conclusion but this subject genuinely still baffles me! Someone please tell me about teenagers so they’re no longer an unknown and fearsome entity to me! Are you a teenager, do you have a teenager in your care? I need knowledge – lay it on me.