Which is more important…

…your bottom or your brain?

Now obviously your bottom has some important bodily functions that must be taken care of and they can also be nice to touch, and wibble about in front of the mirror but I was getting ready for an evening out when I came across this on Youtube:

I’d gone from being excited for a lovely night out on the taaan to seriously depressed about the state of the world I’m going to have to bring children up in one day. It was a proper bummer (ha).

It’s hard to know even where to begin with this one; it breaks my heart! I’ve watched Maid in Manhattan! Who doesn’t love The Wedding Planner?! And in my bid to try and understand JLo’s decision to create this ‘song’, this (without even considering the video) vacuous, repetative, poorly constructed, unimaginative ‘song’, I researched why she’d decided to produce it. Roughly put she said that it wasn’t a song she initially wanted to do but that other people told her she should, and that in the end she decided it was about embracing her ‘booty’ and all that she is, and that she didn’t want to take life too seriously and that at the end of the day the song was a great song.

I have a few points to raise here:

  1. The people that pursuaded you to write this song, out of interest, how many of those people seriously financially benefit when you get naked?
  2. When you say embracing your body? Would that be the body you have spend decades honing and sculpting through substantial time commitment, dedication and serious amounts of pain as well as money into creating? The body that you light and photoshop and cover in industrial lubricant? Because to be completely honest, that doesn’t seem like you’re embracing so much as changing, then exposing, then covering in KY jelly – there is a difference.
  3. You do have to laugh at yourself and laugh through life, however, this video is two people who seem to be taking their bottoms’ incredibly seriously.
  4. This is a really bad song. I’m no musician, but give me a keyboard, two days and three bottles of Ouzo and I reckon I could come up with a similar tune.

And this just keeps happening! Every time I find a female musician I like and think finally, this is a woman I can get behind (probably not in the way they’re getting behind each other). Look, it’s a miracle; she’s wearing some clothes, she can actually sing, she seems to be singing a song about integrity or happiness or social issues, instead of sex, her body and men. Because they are the UNUSUAL ones! And more often than not they never stay that way, give them three years in the ‘music’ industry and they’ll be wearing just their knickers and gyrating around a shiny studio floor pretending to be a straight lesbian or toking on fat, phalic cigar, not that you’d be able to tell it’s the same woman because these days the camera rarely focuses on their faces, only their crotches (please see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3mP3mJDL2k). It’s like women don’t have any friends anymore, because if they did surely they’d say “yeh I saw your latest video, catchy tune, but when are you going to sack that stylist mate because they forgot to give you a skirt to wear on top of those fishnets.” Whenever my nearly-90 Oma see’s a scantily clad lady she says “she obviously doesn’t have a best friend” because instead of telling each other we look great in a jumper and what really matters is the quality of our conversation, we’re watching J-Lo videos and endearingly referring to each other as slags.

I wish I could say this to almost every female popular music star in the world: “In your privalidged position you do have a very serious responsibility to what people learn from you. You are in a position of power and women, some of them very young, are looking to you for guidance and by making this video you have failed them. 12 year old girls will watch this video and think “oh that’s how to dance in a club”, they’ll also watch their bodies change and think they’re changing in the wrong way, they’ll also be under the impression that they should give guys “what they ask for” (especially on their birthdays – apparently), which will result in a 15 year old with serious body issues, wearing hardly any clothes on a night out, gyrating on a guy because that’s what HE wants and thinking that the most important thing in this world is what she looks like.”

“Let him touch you while you’re dancing” is the kind of thing a pimp would say to his latest recruit, who actually thinks she’s just being paid to dance with a man “on his birthday” and she’s going to get an incredibly rude, not to mention devastating awakening when the club closes. But instead of a male pimp, it’s a female one, and her name is Jennifer.

This video does make it painfully clear that JLo’s ‘booty’ is more important than her face. Shakira (used to respect) and Rihanna (no love lost there) make it painfully obvious that their crotches are more important that their faces. The amount of time they spend touching their own vagina’s makes them look like they’ve got a mighty burny case of cystitis.

Interestingly enough, after Rihanna and Shakira have finished toking on cigars like they’re on a fasting diet, YouTube automatically uploads this song:

Now unless you are in a specific industry “work” does not mean gyrating your arse around and letting other women whip you and unless you choose to be in that industry I really don’t think you should feel the pressure to behave like that when you’re socialising – or earning money…for your ‘hot body’ (because incase you hadn’t figured it out yet, that’s the most important thing about you). There is nothing wrong with encouraging fellow women to work hard for what they want but finishing off the sentence with “now get to work bitch” isn’t really the kind of encouragement we should be offering each other, don’t you think?

It’s this perpetual male gaze pervading over the lives of every woman that gets me so angry, this whole straight lesbian, gently beating each other, toking on penises (…sorry, cigars) thing. It used to be that men objectified and opressed women into certain boxes and stereotypes, but now it’s women doing that to each other. Having two women smack each other’s arses and call each other bitches is only going to make men think it’s okay to do the same, and there is enough of those bastards in the world already. And this barrage of negative self image and sexual pressure is almost EVERY music video, and therefore has become the popular culture norm. I’m devastated.

That’s it, I’m moving to a small cottage on a cliff by the sea where no internet can be found and writing angry letters to female pop stars. Apart from this lady, she’s all good…

To answer my original question: YOUR BRAIN! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Ever.

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