Why I Love Eurovision…

…only because it’s bloody ace!

The only problem is that people don’t seem to believe me when I say that so I’m constantly forced to justify my passions.

So from now on when I need to justify my Eurovision amore, I’ll just direct the questioning fiend to this blog post (justification and more followers – win win)!

Reason 1:

Pissed commentators. When does that happen anymore? At no point – that’s when. Not even rugby commentators get pissed on the job any more. The only reason why I grew up watching the Eurovision Song Contest is because my parents loved a drunk Terry Wogan and I am SO proud of Graham Norton for taking on that difficult burden and continuing the drunk commentator tradition. Hats off to you sir, you’re doing a top notch, sterling, single malt job!

Reason 2:

Costumes. My love for dress-up dictates a large proportion of my life and if you love to dress up the Eurovision Song Contest is like porn (the kind that’s made by feminists getting themselves off and not letting ugly strangers come on their faces). In this years’ first semifinal show alone I saw at least eight cloaks! There have been camp policemen, people painted completely white coming out of pianos, more shiny leather than you can shake a stick it, beautiful women being carried onstage by real life fairytale costumed giants, people in giant hamster balls, more sparkly shoulder pads in the 2013 competition than the entirety of the 80s (that might have had something to do with Jedward), undead zombie rockers, feathered shoulders, sparkled torsoes, necklaces on heads, odd bastardisations of traditional dress…I’m going to have to stop – I’m just turning myself on now.

Reason 3:

It’s so camp! Inside me there is a gay man just dying to get out, but I don’t have a penis so being an avid and passionate Eurovision fan and sleeping with boys is the closest I’m going to get. I actually think it’s hilarious when some countries start to get uppety about openly gay acts performing at the event – it’s like they have no idea which event it is. For example last year Belarus started a petition to ban Conchita Wurst from competing and then sent a most unconvincing ‘straight’ man to compete on their behalf. Feast your eyes on this (if you want to skip to the most camp section it’s at 2:12):

Not to mention that the writer of this song has to have been as pissed as Terry Wogan in 1998 when they wrote it, it’s like they were going for Robin Thicke but ended up with Jack from Will & Grace trying to play it straight. Plus CONCHITA WON – take that homophobes!

Reason 4:

Drinking games. I’m not great at drinking games, I was a terrible student, but the Drink Along With Eurovision – that’s just plain old fashioned fun. Drink when they whip off an outer costume to reveal a skimpier one, drink when they use the wind machine, drink when there’s a key change, drink when the commentator takes the piss out of the voting system…come to think of it the reason why I love the Eurovision Song Contest so much could well be because I actually don’t remember any of the Grand Finals.

Reason 5:

Political statements. Now some people don’t think the Eurovision Song Contest is a good place to make a political statement  but way more people are watching it than regularly watch the House of Commons (or country equivalent) so why not? Plus I love it when countries with really bad human rights records enter with songs about peace around the world and everyone loving each other, for example, this is Russia’s 2015 entry:

What I love most about this is that they clearly think that diversity is represented by ginger kids and old people.

But in all seriousness I’m a soppy individual and I do love listening to a good three hours of songs about the world coming together and everyone loving each other, it’s better than watching music channels for the same amount of time and just hearing all about how much them ‘bitches’ (women) ‘want it’ and especially when they’re shaking their arses in the club.

With all the above said this is my favourite Eurovision entry of all time: Armenia, 2009, necklaces on their head – check, oddly Armenian/medieval costumes- check (I think the costume designer for Game of Thrones also loves Eurovision), velvet – check, key change – check, a catchy tune about everybody dancing – CHECK

This year my favourite is definitely Georgia:

This song makes me want to go to self defence classes. I listened to it on repeat while I was in the shower this morning and it brought a whole new meaning the term ‘power shower’. She’s like what Wednesday Addams grew up to be. Controversially no key change but big snaps for awesome head gear and exquisite use of the wind machine.

Luckily for me the this years competition coinsides with my second Hen Do (only getting married once, may as well have a Hen Do twice) I have finally been able to force my friends to attend a Eurovision party!!!! Something I spent the entirety of our time in uni trying to make happen (turns out they can’t say no when you’re the bride!). I’m dressing as the Queen of Eurovision (no, not Graham Norton) so stay tuned for next weeks #FashionFridays.

Go Georgia!

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