How To…

…Sleep in This Heat.

The hashtag #toohottosleep has been trending for a good couple of days now and I am not immune to this. A solid night of sleep has evaded me for almost a week now. So, I’ve come up with a couple of tips on how to try and sleep during this pesky heatwave.

Of course, the first one is quite obviously BUY AN ELECTRIC FAN! However, on Sunday I had the opportunity to buy a fan and turned it down, thinking I’d be fine – I’M NOT FINE! I feel like I’m slowly cooking. I’m a cold-blooded person. I am British, and indeed Welsh, to my core; I love rain; I love snuggling up under the covers because it’s cold in your drafty bedroom; I love wellies and brollies and cagoules – I’m writing this on my lap with my feet immersed in a cold bath!

So the things I have tried include:

  1. The Starfish. I remember when I was little and my swimming instructor told me that if I ever found myself accidentally in a body of cold water (not partially immersed in a tepid bath) to try and curl up in a ball, to keep my main temperature points covered so as not to freeze to death – not sure how this would work in a buoyancy capacity but there we go. So I have adopted the opposite approach to sleeping and, whilst I’m normally a lie-on-my-side-in-snuggly-ball kind of sleeper, these days I am what I would describe as a ‘Starfisher’. I am currently starfishing it to sleep. (I did not mean that to sound like some kind of sexual fetish euphemism.)
  2. The Manual Fan. I’m old fashioned and also in the absence of an electric fan I have turned to the old techniques (clearly “old fashioned” doesn’t quite cover it – Regency might be more accurate). I have been fanning myself to sleep (again with the sexual fetish euphemism thing). Of course this does mean that as some point I have to choose between fanning and sleep but eventually the two seem to mingle together which is great until I wake up 15 minutes later, boiling hot!
  3. Wine. In an act of selfless investigation I’ve tried this out and can attest to the fact that it works really, really well.
  4. Don’t Bother. No one is sleeping! Everyone at work is tired and sweaty as well. We’re all in the same boat. Stop getting angry about it (which just makes you hotter) and just give up. If there was ever a time for Netflix and Chill, tis now, more specifically between the hours of 11pm-7am. Or re-watch a much-loved series, that way you’ll know whats coming next and be more likely to fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion, despite the heat.

So there we have it! I normally do five points but I’ve completely run out of anything useful to say. If this blog has been weird, I apologise, I have clearly become delirious in this heat. I’m off to lie, very still, upon the oh-so comfortable gravel in my garden…


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