Now I’m not yet married, although come this time in June I will be a full-on married lady and I recently went on a trip where I was surrounded by a lot of people asking me why on earth I was getting married at this age (I’m 25 by the way). Of course I gave the usual (and obvious) “because I love him” answer but I can’t deny that the questions got under my skin; in a world where 42% of marriages currently end in divorce (and in our current “weddings/Disney fairytale/I’m a princess” society, I think that’s only going to get worse), what makes me think that I won’t be part of that statistic one day? And given that marriage doesn’t mean the same things in society that it used to; the ability to live together, have children, etc, what point is there in marriage anyway?
So I’ve been thinking it through and I reckon I can answer the question “why am I getting married at 25?”.
Firstly, and possibly most importantly, I’ve found a man who is fine with me wearing my cloak in public – it’s important to find someone who accepts you for all that you are.
Secondly, I’m not sure age has much to do with it, if I was 18 then may be I’d understand that question more but whilst I don’t always feel all grown-up, technically I am, I mean my body is only going to age and fail from here on out (positive thinking), so I may as well get married while my breasts still look good without the assistance of a bra because I’m sure as hell not wearing one of those torturous things on my wedding day (comfort first, all the way). I also don’t see getting married as settling down. Chris and I aren’t in our 30s and getting married because we want to have babies in quick succession and forget what it feels like to go to cocktails bars and have sex on the stairs (although I am aware that this will eventually happen – but it’s not that comfy anyway). I see this as the start of our adventure together, we still want to travel and experience new things and get really pissed in gross bars sometimes; getting married doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to stop harbouring dreams and ambitions and all of a sudden get excited about kitchen appliances, and to be honest it’s proper weird that quite a few people seem to assume that! I’m really not seeing getting married as our end game, it’s the first pass in our match (…of rugby, obvs, I would’t be bringing football into this).
Which brings me nicely onto thirdly, I know marriage isn’t going to be plain sailing, but then I don’t think any relationship worth having is; people are complicated, evil, funny, selfish, wonderous creatures and I think our world history proves that we do somewhat struggle to live in harmony. Plus if you look at all the best relationships in your life they will have been tested at some point and the fact that it has made it through that test only means it’s a stronger, better relationship. I obviously wouldn’t be marrying Chris if I thought every day was going to be a struggle, but I’m under no illusions that some will be, in that way I think I have a realistic vision of what I’m getting myself into (a life-time of watching a 6ft5 man bang his head on things).
And fourthly (is that a thing?), I’m not a fortune teller (although I have tried – got a crystal ball and everything), of course I can’t say that Chris and I will 100% stand the test of time, no one can ever say that because life has a way of curve balling one through it’s already twisted path. My parents are divorced, and they’re both married to divorced people (funnily enough) so I’m pretty familiar with marital breakdown and to be completely honest I did think I would stay away from the married state for this very reason, but then I met someone who changed my mind. I can’t promise anyone that I’ll know and love them forever, they can’t either, what I can promise is that I will always give the relationship my very best shot; the best chance at forever that I can give.
I know that we don’t technically need to be married but it’s bloody nice! I want to be a team; a family; a little Kelly Clan. I think that in this way marriage means more than it ever has done, it’s no longer a necessity, it’s a choice, it’s more about love than it ever has been. And I take that choice quite seriously, not every woman is as fortunate as I to have it.
And FINALLY: because I love him.