…I have not been expecting you.
If you think this is going to be a blog post about BDSM then I’m sorry (or not – whatever your preference) to say it’s really not going to be. I, like most people think that the loosing of ones virginity should happen with your awkward teenage boyfriend who lit one candle he borrowed from his mum in a bid to be romantic/when you’re a bit pissed in the back of a car with a quite charming but relatively unknown individual, not in the eye watering ways in which E L James would advise – never trust a woman who has clearly never had thrush and cystitis at the same time.
No, this blog post is about the grey, that strange and murky area that lurks between black and white, or as they are otherwise known, good and bad. I’ve always been an extreme black and white thinker, in fact I met someone for five minutes the other day, we had a lovely chat and then I had to go and talk to someone else (PR Darling) and the lovely person I had just met turned to my mother and said “she’s quite a black and white thinker isn’t she?” AFTER FIVE MINUTES.
This struck a chord with me and sure enough a few days later I had a grey epiphany. I saw the grey in a situation for the very first time. I could see that lots of people were upset and that they all had their valid reasons and that there really was no one person to blame – there was no right or wrong – it was disturbing! I’ve always lived in a world of my own making where right and wrong have been very clearly defined, life’s just more comforting that way, but now I’m living in this weird strange place where there seems to be no right or wrong at all, just stages; just degrees of ambiguity. I’ve always been so sure! For example: leggings as trousers – wrong, leggings as tights – right. Simple. But now I’m in this place where I can kind of see both sides; sometimes trousers are uncomfortable, why not just let it all hang out with leggings on, they’re stretchy, they forgive, and so what if you can see pants through them, what if the pants are nice, or have a jazzy picture on the back (I have a pair that say Vote Ernie on the back, who wouldn’t want to see those!?)? Perhaps the trousers are the bad ones – keeping legs confined into strict lines, not pulling on properly when you’ve moisturised or you slept through your alarm and are trying to hurriedly dress whilst still slightly wet from the shower – perhaps it’s leggings instead of trousers!
What on earth has happened!? I can feasibly see an argument for wearing leggings instead of trousers! What has become of me!?
I know there are slightly more important things than this particular dilemma in the world (slightly), like cheating for example, I was having a conversation with someone about that the other day and where once I thought having sex with someone when you’re actually in a monogamous relationship with someone else just plain old made you a really bad person, now I’m not so sure. I can see that there are two sides to every story, motives are all messed up and tangled with conflicting emotions – people are bloody complicated! I can no longer just say that person is bad and that person is good because people don’t work that way, life doesn’t work that way, nothing is monochrome. It’s a frikin revelation (especially as someone who comes from an entire family of adulterers).
It took one, not so complicated situation for me to see the grey and now I can’t stop. It’s uncomfortable but I think it’s good. Good for me. Of course there are still somethings that are just right and wrong; voting Ukip: WRONG, watching episodes of Stars In Their Eyes from the 80s: the best thing ever. I guess in becoming used to being able to see a whole spectrum of colours that I’ve never been able to see before I have to take comfort in the fact there are still circumstances in which there is bad a good, but perhaps those two aren’t as clean-cut as I used to believe they were.
Just when I thought I had it all licked, sodding life had to teach me another lesson, well bring it on! Now I can see the grey I think I’m much more prepared.